Breaking Heart

My Heart is breaking this morning and although I should be happy I am not. I have heard back from a friend that Jenny may have already been placed with a family. I know that this is a really good thing and I should be jumping for joy for her. I am so glad that she will not grow up in an institution but I have to say that I am very sad. I did so believe that God had a plan for this child to become a part of this family. A small part of me wants the information to be wrong but at the same time if there is someone ready to bring her home than that should be a really really good thing.

I do not know why this is happening at this time. I believe God must have some plan for all of this but I cannot see it.

The original email that I received said that she was available and that they had even asked her if she would want to be adopted by our family (which they should not have done) but then I got another email at 4:00 am saying that the information was incorrect and that I should contact a certain agency to find out more information.

I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 13 this morning which most of you I am sure know "Love is patient, Love is kind,..." and it finishes with "And now these three remain,: Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is Love.". I am not exactly sure why this scripture came to my mind. I was wearing a shirt with this on it on Friday when the children left.

As I did read through the entire scripture I had to stop where it said self-seeking. I had to wonder if this is what I was doing. Was I trying to make this happen to fill some guilt that I had? I started to believe that it may be true. How wrong is it that I pray I had been given the wrong information? Or that I pray the family that has her file would change their mind? I am being as honest as I can this morning. I feel in love with this child. Why did God allow that? What is the purpose?

So, I ask this morning for your prayers, no I plead for them. I am really hurting. I feel that a part of me has been striped away. Does that sound strange that I could become so attached to a child in only a couple of days? Does it make any sense at all? No, but that is what the Love of God is. It cannot be rationalized or explained by man.

From a dark office, with many tears.....